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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Q: What's the point of spending four hours every couple of weekends singlehandedly cleaning the entire house when no-one else cleans up after themselves?

This morning I have done washing-up, cleaned the hob (which I scrubbed on Sunday), changed an overflowing bin and swept the floor of crud all over it.

Perhaps we should get that mental cleaner round every day to do it.

I'm sorry if this is boring but this is my little internet diary and I'm well pissed off about it.

19th November 2003

Ahem. Yes. Well, that was then. These days I have a robotic vacuum cleaner. Isn't modern technology wonderful?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Make sure and don't use my old address for the moment. The hosting company is rubbish and I'm in the middle of moving my account. I'm sure it'll turn into a massive pain in the arse but we'll wait and see.

18th November 2003

Obviously, that doesn't apply now.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'd forgotten about this. I found it in JahJahDub's archives.

"James did an internet shop the other day.
He wanted to buy 5 bananas.
He bought 5 kg.
Bit bored of bananas now.

(For scale, think how much a kilogram weighs... think how heavy a banana is... Bingo! It's a lot of bananas.)"

PS: JahJah: update your link to me!

(I may do more blogging and less conversing.)

I know it's my birthday tomorrow, but for God's sake: I'm turning only twenty-eight, not sixty-eight (and no offence to my mother: sixty-eight is a grand old age, survived the War, don't know when you're born...)

Last night I spent doing some housework, listening to an old CD and reminiscing ('The Great Escape', as it happens), coveting some Tupperware, and having a Horlicks and a Jaffa Cake for supper. Tonight I have descaled a kettle and become vexed upon discovering that neither PrimeTime Radio nor Saga Radio are still broadcasting.

Birthdays, eh? They do make you feel old.

Now, I don't know that much about the Beatles, apart from the same things that everyone knows. But I heard a report on the news last week about the re-release of Let It Be (now naked?). Anyway, I discovered for the first time that the original had been produced by Phil Spector. Why did nobody tell me this before? I've just listened to "The Long and Winding Road". It's fantastic. The Wall of Sound is amazing. I can't believe this has been hidden from me for so long.


18th November 2003

I was right then, and I'm still right now. And that Cirque du Soleil Beatles mix? Shite.


Monday, January 22, 2007

Here's another petition that we should sign to tell Bush to fuck off home.



17th November 2003

Noooo... I don't do politics any more!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Come on Australia! Not for any anti-English feeling. Only the feeling of dread I have that if England do win, I'll never hear the end of it. And let's be honest - how many people watching it on Sunday actually give a toss about rugby?

So, for my peace and sanity and that of every other person in the UK, may the Aussies do wonders.

17th November 2003

England won...

Nothing as exciting as this ever happened when I worked at QVC.




Saturday, January 20, 2007

I watched this film last night. Don't go on the user comments: it's actually not bad. And the guy who plays Caspar is well fit. Anna, where do you find these films? What she omitted to tell me beforehand was that it is set in Heidelberg. In the university there. So I spend the entire film going, "Oh - I've been there. Oh - I went to a lecture there." When I should be screaming at the terror of it all.


17th November 2003


Good Old ITV Play 

"This programme included a ‘tower’ competition in which viewers were invited to identify “things you find in a woman’s handbag”. Participants were required to identify, based on an established theme or set of criteria, the content of a series of blank windows arranged vertically in a ‘tower’. In this instance a total of 14 windows were screened in a double tower (two columns of seven windows). One window revealed a sample answer – “mobile phone”. Each remaining window was obscured with an amount of cash that represented the prize currently available for a successful caller who correctly identified the answer that lay beneath it.

When the game ended 7 of the 13 available prizes had been won. Correctly identified answers included “contact lenses”, “driving licence” and “plane tickets.” The remaining answers were then revealed, which included “raw/rawl plugs” and “balaclava.” Three viewers questioned the validity of the answer, “raw/rawl plugs”; one viewer also questioned the validity of “balaclava.”"

...

"Nevertheless, ITV stated that at no point were “raw/rawl plugs” and “balaclava” the only answers that remained to be identified. During the entire game, callers who reached the studio could have been successful with other answers, such as “rubber band”, ”directions” or ”false teeth”. The broadcaster did not therefore believe that the game was conducted unfairly, but acknowledged that the two answers in question, whilst not impossible, were unlikely to be readily identified and were therefore inappropriate."

http://www.ofcom.org.uk/tv/obb/prog_cb/obb76/

False teeth?!!!

Amazon Tasks 

First, read the reviews of the Peter Andre and Jordan album and laugh heartily.

Secondly, buy me this album for my birthday.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Why... 

... do hamsters not become lonely or claustrophobic? Is it because they spend all their time cleaning?

Some of My Favourite TV Programmes 

1. Seconds from Disaster ("Disasters don't just happen: they're a chain of critical events.")

2. Air Crash Investigations

3. Crash Scene Investigations

They're like the mutated child of 'Towering Inferno' and 'The Poseidon Adventure', squeezed onto the small screen.

My laptop has developed a small, round dark shadow on its screen. It looks like a blob of butter has melted between the plastic and the liquid crystal displays. I've been informed it's the LCDs beginning to fail, and the problem will become worse.

Anyone fancy lending me £800 for a new laptop?

I dealt with it in scant detail last night but the mugging was horrible. I was sitting, pretending to do some work on a job application, when I heard some screaming. I figured it was two lassies having a mess about outside so ignored it. Then it continued so I got up and looked out of the living room window. I saw two people, with one of them falling down towards the ground. I thought, "That's two people having a proper fight. I don't want to get involved in case I get beaten up but I'll make sure it doesn't get any worse." I thought it was two guys messing around.

Then I saw one of them grabbing a handbag and running away. Then I worked out what was happening, as the woman was lying on the ground.

Horrible. Nasty. Things like that really make me hate London.

The only good thing was that two other people phoned the police and three of the houses round about where it happened (including me) all went out to see if we could help her. She went and sat with one of my neighbours until the polis came.

And, to their credit, they arrived within five minutes. Then they had the dog section out (arf, arf!)

So twice in a month I give my details to the police. A bike accident and then a mugging.

17th November 2003

You see - I am all heart, after all. And I wasn't watching Top Gear: I was doing a job application for the CPS.

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